All the Flowers in Shanghai by Duncan Jepson

Author:Duncan Jepson
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2013-04-25T14:40:25.808000+00:00

I woke up late in the day to find Yan sitting by my bed watching me. Her skin hung loosely from her face and her eyes were raw and bloodshot. When she saw me open my eyes she got up.

“You need some soup. I’ll be back soon,” she whispered, so quietly it was as if raising her voice would confirm the truth of what we had done during the night. Perhaps until Xiong Fa came we could live our lie and pretend I had not asked her to betray her own unfulfilled maternal instincts. I lay still and pulled the sheet around me. I could still smell the blood and shit that Yan had wiped from me. I ached and was desperately tired yet I wanted to wait here for her return, so we could understand each other and settle how we would continue living together after this. I remained lying on my back with my eyes closed. In the blackness, the strong smells filled my nostrils and mouth, reminding me of the dark that had filled me last night as I lay back against the bed with my eyes closed, as Yan held you tight in her arms, and I tried to mask your new smell with my own stink. I had not dreamt it, everything was true.

Yan came in and brought me a bowl of strong fish soup to accelerate my recovery. She put the tray on the bedside chair and helped me sit up straight. She brought the bowl to my lips and the fish stock cleared my nose and mind. I sipped, and coughed. Then my hunger returned and I swallowed the soup quickly.

“I also brought you some mantou. You should try to eat more, to be strong again.” Having left the steamed buns on the bed for me, she started to leave again. “Mistress, you should sleep. I think I should ask them to bring you a doctor.”

“No,” I shouted, “no doctors!”

She stopped and looked at me, startled mostly that I had suddenly regained my strength.

“I’m sorry, Yan. No, doctors, please. I don’t want any doctors because they cannot help. Just sit near me, please, sit near me. But first tell my husband that I will come to see him on the third day. Tell him that I will come at eleven in the morning to drink tea with him.”

“But he will be at work with his father.”

“If he wants to see me then he will have to be late to work or return home.”

“Very well. I will also draw you a bath tomorrow,” Yan said heartily, encouraged by my willingness to visit my husband.

“Yes, that will be good.”

She left me with the smell of the steaming bread to tempt my appetite. I closed my eyes and thought of the huge flat bamboo baskets that the cook used to stack up on the oven in the kitchen of my old home. I would sit with Grandfather and wait for them to be ready. And just

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